Below, one of 3 holes they opened up in my veins for Electrophysiography and Cardiac Ablation yesterday. Two probes up from both sides of my groin, one down from the neck.
They put the probes in place, then stressed my heart into an arrhythmia, mapped where the short circuits were happening, snaked another deal through whichever hole was closest to burn the tissue inside my heart that was causing the problem.
The procedure took just over 3 hours, then had to lie flat on my back for 6 hours so they know my veins won’t pop open and make a huge mess.
Feels worse than it looks. I am sparing you the groin shots.
It’s good though because the arrhythmia was becoming a serious problem (3 incidents in 6 months requiring medical intervention, one requiring defib). No more. All fixed.
I’ve never even had a broken bone. Dislocated a knee when I was about 6- still have arthritis from that. No tonsillectomy, no appendectomy (all original equipment); I did have a vasectomy many years ago, but that was nothing.
At 57 years old, this is the most intrusive medical procedure I have ever had.
Even with the arrhythmia gone that still leaves me with a couple serious chronic illnesses. Oh, well- life goes on. Balanced on a thread. Life, as they say, is fleeting, insubstantial. Death only is certain; the time and place of death is unknown.
Each moment of being a human being is precious. The fulfillment of my innate purpose is the only worthwhile goal. That fulfillment lies in the choices I make each moment. That purpose lies in my devotion to the essence of my heart’s desire.
I love the poetry of Tagore (there are many examples of this throughout this site). From Gitanjali:
If thou speakest not I will fill my heart with thy silence and endure it. I will keep still and wait like the night with starry vigil and its head bent low with patience.
The morning will surely come, the darkness will vanish, and thy voice pour down in golden streams breaking through the sky.
Then thy words will take wing in songs from every one of my birds’ nests, and thy melodies will break forth in flowers in all my forest groves.
That longing that I knew before I was even born, all the desires, sacred and profane, that have driven my every moment through this rich tapestry of life- all come from the same deep yearning for wholeness. And even as my heart yearns, I know deeply and certainly that I am already whole, that the clear light is my own nature, closer than my name, closer and more real than my own “I” feeling.
Also, going through my head this past month-
Pitr Purushe Bhyo Namah,
Rsi Deve Bhyo Namah,
Brahma Arpanam Brahma Havir,
Brahmaeva Tena Gantavyam
Brahma Karma Sama’dhina’.
Salutations to the ancestors, salutations to the god-like rs’is.
The act of offering is Brahma; that which is offered is Brahma; the One to whom the offering is made is Brahma; and the person making the offering is Brahma.
One will merge in Brahma after completing the duty assigned to him/her by Brahma.
The above translation is not how I remember it. Especially I always understood the phrase Brahma’g’ nao as having to do with the burning of the offering. It has been a long time since I was a serious student of samskrta bhajans. Someone please correct me if I am wrong (I know there are many very knowledgeable folks who read this and will know better than I the meaning) but I have always thought this part of the mantra says:
“God is the offering, God is the Offerer, God is the fire which consumes the offering and the ashes that remain; The one who remembers God in everything they do will merge with God when the work is done.”
The point being that I have been remembering this verse, this puja, in my daily work, especially now because I have been feeling discouraged and even exhausted by the seva.
Everything that arises in this moment is the perfect teacher- so there is some chance that the following random stuff that has been invading my head is relevant-
Huge, I make no apologies:
Mahaprabhu Vallabhacharya –
(also, see this)
Bhakthi Saint 14th Century proponent of
“Krishna Bhakthi” in North India
Madhuraashtakam by Saint Vallbhacharya
adharam madhuram vadanam madhuram
nayanam madhuram hasitam madhuram
hrdayam madhuram gamanam madhuram
“His lips are sweet; His face is sweet; Hiseyes are sweet; His smile
is sweet; His heart is sweet and His walk is sweet. Every single thing
about the Lord is completely sweet!”
vachanam madhuram charitam madhuram
vasanam madhuram valitam madhuram
chalitam madhuram bhramitam madhuram
“His words are sweet; His acts are sweet; His dress is sweet; His
posture is sweet. His walk is sweet, and His wanderings are sweet.
Every single thing about the Lord is completely sweet!”
venur madhuro renur madhurah
panir madhurah padau madhurau
nrityam madhuram sakhyam madhuram
“His flute is sweet; the dust of His lotus feet is sweet. His hands
are sweet; His feet are sweet. His dancing is sweet; His friendship is
sweet. Everything about the Supreme Lord of sweetness is sweet.”
geetam madhuram peetam madhuram
bhuktam madhuram suptam madhuram
roopam madhuram tilakam madhuram
“His song is sweet, His drinking is sweet; His eating is sweet, His
sleeping is sweet. His beauty is sweet, His tilaka is sweet. Every
thing about the Lord is completely sweet.”
karanam madhuram taranam madhuram
haranam madhuram smaranam madhuram
vamitam madhuram shamitam madhuram
“His acts are sweet, His delivering is sweet, His stealing is sweet,
His enjoyment is sweet. His heartfelt outpourings are sweet, His peace
is sweet. Everything about the Supreme Lord is fully sweet.”
gunja madhura mala madhura
yamuna madhura veechee madhura
salilam madhuram kamalam madhuram
“His Gunja necklace is sweet, as is His garland. His Yamuna River is
sweet, her waves are sweet, and her waters are sweet. The lotus
flowers there are also sweet. Everything is completely sweet about the
Supreme Personality of Godhead, the Lord of sweetness.”
gopee madhura leela madhura
yuktam madhuram bhuktam madhuram
drishtam madhuram shishtam madhuram
“His foremost devotees, the gopis, are sweet. His pastimes are sweet.
meeting with Him is sweet. Being enjoyed by Him is sweet. Being
noticed (seen) by Him is sweet. His character is sweet. Simply
everything about the Lord of sweetness is all-sweet.”
gopa madhura gavo madhura
yastir madhura srishtir madhura
dalitam madhuram phalitam madhuram
“His cowherd friends are sweet; His cows are sweet. His cane is sweet;
His creation is sweet, His destruction is sweet, and His fruition is
sweet. Everything about the Supreme Lord is totally sweet.”
And already I’m thinking again of Rumi- he continues to inspire me every day. Here is a good copy of the Mathnawi, 1 & 2.
and this, I am thinking:
and then again…
Wait for it….
I’ll have the Tortoise Basket with fries, please.