Tag Archives: pictures

Death Visits

2 weeks ago I called my mother around mid-day. She was sobbing in pain. This was the day before Mother’s Day. I went to her apartment and spent the next week with her until she died.

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I told her that she had done well. She could rest now. Her work was done and she didn’t have to stay. I said that God was ready to row her little boat to another shore. I wrote it down on a card and she kept the card under her pillow.

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My mother was 92 years old. It was fairly recently that she spent a month at my home while I took time off of work to care for her after she broke her shoulder in a fall. It wasn’t a surprise she fell or hurt herself- she’s been living unsafely in her home for quite a while. She was very stubborn, though, and did not want to leave her home.

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My mom and dad in 1941

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At ninety-two, my mother was not the healthiest of her siblings. Her older brother Ernie was 98 and getting around much better. But then again, Ernie was a preacher and my mother was the family black-sheep who smoked, drank and partied into middle age. Ernie is still active. I expect to see him at the memorial.

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She was diagnosed with breast cancer over 5 years ago. She refused treatment or any further diagnostic tests. There was no way to know how extensive the cancer had become. She always said, “I’m tired. I’ve lived long enough. It’s time for me to go.” But she didn’t go. Not for a long time and many close calls.

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Mom and dad in Corbett, 1942

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 About a year ago she had congestive heart failure. She needed more help. She was put on hospice care. People came to her home. After a few months she was discharged from hospice because she wasn’t getting worse- she was getting better. She still needed help, she still wasn’t safe in her home.

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She was a “wall-walker” as the physical therapists would say. She didn’t have the strength or balance to actually walk around her apartment. She grabbed hold of things- including things that were unstable or that she couldn’t actually “grab” (like walls).  It was an inherently unsafe situation. She was constantly over-reaching her balance and relying on objects that were not dependable to get her a few more steps. This led to falls on numerous occasions- many falls she never told anyone about.

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My mother has been alone since 1992 when my father died from complications of mesothelioma. She has been fiercely independent since then. Also, incredibly lonely. She moved out of the family home to an apartment several years ago. It is a great apartment- located in inner southeast Portland off Division St. For a time she insisted on continuing to drive her car. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief when she stopped driving. Deaf and increasingly blind (from macular degeneration) she finally realized that each time she got behind the wheel she was praying that she wouldn’t kill anyone. Her friend Judy began helping with shopping and other things.

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This is her obituary:

 Margaret Elinor Snook, known to most as Marmie, entered the world on August 8, 1921, the sixth and youngest child of George and Virginia Chamberlain of Corbett, Oregon. She died at home in Portland, Oregon on May 16, 2014.

Marmie grew up a country girl and graduated from Corbett High School in 1939. She married Rex Snook in June, 1941; their love story lasted almost 50 years until Rex’s death in 1991, and produced four children, Suzy Garman (married to Phil), Becky Sciglimpaglia (Don), Greg Snook (Jackie) and Rick Snook (Candace).

Marmie worked in a variety of jobs over the years, the longest lasting being as a clerk in the Multnomah County District Court, but work never defined her life. She loved to read, enjoyed just about any card game you could name, played in a Bunco group for decades, and loved spending time with friends and family, often built around food. Garage and estate sales were a passion. She was also a long-time volunteer delivering meals on wheels and working in the gift shop at the Hollywood Senior Center. She enjoyed her life to the fullest, and was proud to have remained independent and (more or less) self-reliant into her 90s.

She was a fun person to be around, with an infectious laugh and a sharp and sometimes silly sense of humor. She was a loyal and generous friend and, at times, a fiercely protective mother. She was also a stubborn person who could drive her friends, and her kids, crazy by insisting on getting her way about absolutely everything. In short, she was a complex, amazing, entertaining and aggravating singularity. The world will not see her like again.

Marmie was predeceased by her brother Harold and sisters Mabel, Pearl and Katherine; she is survived by her brother Ernie of Turner, Oregon, her four children, six grandchildren, assorted great-grandchildren and step-great-grandchildren, and a passel of nieces and nephews. Disposition was by cremation. A private memorial service will be arranged in the near future.

Mom

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My son Matt loved his grandmother. He visited her often. They played cribbage while she could still hold the cards.

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About a week before the day 2 weeks ago that I went to stay with her, she called my sister and said she hurt so badly that she couldn’t bear it. She had an in-home X-Ray that confirmed that she had multiple compression fractures of her spine. She was put on hospice care (again).

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When I came over I called hospice and they said I could start administering the liquid morphine that was part of the hospice “kit” left in my mother’s home. The hospice nurse came to see her the next day. They said she might only have a little time left.

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She was having great difficulty and pain with breathing. The nurse explained that she would be very likely to develop pneumonia. When asked if she wanted treatment in the event that she had pneumonia she clearly and insistently said, “No.” She wanted to be put to bed and made comfortable, that’s all.

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I called my sons on Monday. Matt lives in the area and he came over right away. He jumped into bed with his grandma and hugged her gently.

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Over the course of the week several things happened.

  • My mother ate less and got out of bed less, slept more
  • We gradually got her pain under fairly good control
  • My siblings came to visit- one of my sisters came from a trip to Mexico
  • I stayed all day and night and administered pain meds on a schedule, fed her when she would eat
  • I helped her go to the bathroom or use the commode in her room
  • I cleaned her, cleaned up her messes (she had become increasingly incontinent)

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By Wednesday she was much weaker. She could not walk at all without help, although she tried. The following morning she got out of bed and had a muffin and some tea. She had been cranky with me earlier and she apologized. She went back to bed. She never really got back up (she tried at one point after the hospice nurse had helped change her diaper- but she was weak, disoriented and couldn’t stand… she went back to sleep).

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Hospice had a person who came to her bedside and played the harp. It was beautiful. My mom slept. This is a picture:

photo 2

 

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The nurse said it would probably be very soon.

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That evening, in her sleep, she began to make gurgling sounds when she was breathing. There was a thick foam in her throat. I called the hospice nurse. She said it was “end  of life secretions” and to give her atropine, 4 drops, from the hospice kit. I tried first to suction out the liquid with a big dropper, I put her on her side- eventually she stopped making the noise but the secretions were still thick and visible in her throat.

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The nurse had said that the atropine would stop the sounds- she also called them “death rattle”- but that the sound didn’t mean my mom was suffering. She said the atropine was primarily for the comfort of the caregiver because the sound can be distressing to loved ones.

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I set my alarm for 2 am so that I could check on her. When I got up and went to her room I could tell she was gone. I felt her head. I put my hand on her chest, I picked up her hand and held it. She was free.

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I called my oldest sister and woke her. She said to wait until morning to call the others. I did. People started coming over at about 8 am. We spent the next few days going through her stuff, figuring out what to keep and what to give away. She had love letters written by my dad when he was in the navy, overseas. Came upon this little poem written by my dad:

rexpoemhalf

It was written on an envelope he received in reply to a letter he sent to his congressman.

My guess is that he didn’t care for the response.

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Goodnight Mother, sleep now, your work here is done.

goodnightmom

This is only the husk. The fire that burned here is gone. It may be burning someplace else, I don’t know; but the fire here has gone out.

I see my own death in this- all of us are destined to lose everything we hold dear, even our lives. There is no way out of this. Time will burn us all to ashes.

The past week I have been very reflective. I have thought a lot about my life, my family, my relationships.

What will be left? What is true, lasting? Anything? Any Thing?

Not our bodies. Not our conditioned personalities formed and re-formed in life. None of this really exists except in a flash- passing before we can even perceive it. What is the reality behind this waterfall we seem to live in, this dreamlike world of change, birth, death? I know what the Wise have said. I know what the sacred scriptures say.

I don’t believe I am capable of knowing what is true. I leave that up to God.

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Filed under Family pictures, personal story, pictures, poetry, Uncategorized

It’s been a while

It’s about time I post something.

First, some new items at the Moonsoup Mart

Like: Pink Rose Nova Keychain

pink_rose_nova_landscape_keychain

 

Department of Redundancy Department Journal

Department of Redundancy Department Journal

Department of Redundancy Department Journal

 

 

 

 

Into the Light Rectangular Magnetinto_the_light_rectangle_magnet

Orange Roses Coffee Mugorange rose mug

And much much more!

Lately I have been busy caring for my elderly mother. She fell and broke her arm. That would be bad enough but she is also 92 years old, has advanced cancer (untreated, metastasized for 5 years),  has trouble walking, she’s mostly blind and also deaf. I had gone on a vacation- my first real vacation ever, to Palm Springs for a week. The night I got back she had fallen and was in the hospital. She needed 24 hour care (up until now she’s lived by herself).  Within a couple days the hospital was going to discharge her to the first Intermediate Care Facility on their list.

I’ve been off work for a month and a half but mostly housebound. Not going stir crazy but getting more than a little irritable.

ir·ri·ta·ble
ˈiritəbəl/
adjective
  1. 1.
    having or showing a tendency to be easily annoyed or made angry.
    “she was tired and irritable”

A picture from my son Andrew’s “Phone Photo Blog on Tumblr (more about Tumblr)-

Well, spring is here in the Northern hemisphere. Time for birth and reproduction in the natural world. Mostly just a few early bloomers in my part of the word so far. I’ve heard some frogs croaking. The weather is mostly wet, not too cold. Regular western Oregon climate.

Speaking of birth…

Larvae from a parasitic wasp are being born from a caterpillar which will be their first meal.

Larvae from a parasitic wasp are being born from a caterpillar which will be their first meal.

seahorse having babies (!)

seahorse having babies (!)\

Cockroaches are mommas too

Cockroaches are mommas too

Just starfish and eels having a party

Just starfish and eels having a party- maybe it’s someones birthday

What else is new? Hell if I know. I’m out of the loop.

Pictures from my vacation (click for full size):

My fiance, Candace

My fiance, Candace

Courtyard view from our motel room

Courtyard view from our motel room

It was so fantastic to be somewhere with the daily temperature in the 80s, no rain, palm trees everywhere. A stark contrast to what was happening back home.

Candace by some rocks at Joshua Tree National Park

Candace by some rocks at Joshua Tree National Park

Me, Joshua Tree in background. Notice how blue the sky!

Me, Joshua Tree in background. Notice how blue the sky!

Series of pictures from Hidden Valley:

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 The view from the Palm Springs Elmer’s restaurant-

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 Other photos from the Palm Springs area:

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Lizard on rock

Lizard on rock

 

On Mt. Jacinto

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Also! Don’t forget to shop at Moonsoup Mart!!

new products…

Gozzirra Stainless Steel Coffee Mug!!!

      Wear Socks!!!                                bIG mONSTER Drinking glass!!!                            Love Chomped Rectangular Cocktail Plate!!!

                 So much more! hundreds of unique, original products!

VLUU L100, M100  / Samsung L100, M100

From Andrew’s other Tumblr Blog- 5cc, but re-blogged from tacofiesta

image

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Filed under animated gif, cats, Frogs, Nature, pictures

New Product, + Gif Dump

Effidol T-Shirt-

effidoltshirtavbhgif10

perfect-angle-funny-dog-train

perfect-loop-ralph-wiggum

perfect-loop-monkey-hit

perfect-loop-dog-jump

perfect-loop-lego

nope

Ping Pong All Alone

Little Leauge WTF

Cat Juggle

hildatroj

Grenade

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Friday Soup Dump

Check out recent Amuseless.

Shop!

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SAMHSA sez:

43.7 Million Americans Experienced Mental Illness in 2012

$31 Million Announced To Improve Mental Health Services for Young People

Nearly one in five American adults, or 43.7 million people, experienced a diagnosable mental illness in 2012 according to SAMHSA. These results are consistent with 2011 findings.

[Does anyone else besides me suspect that the reason so many are diagnosed is because of marketing of psycho-pharmacological drugs?]

Top Three Reasons Adults Did Not Get Mental Health Treatment in 2012

  • They worried about affording the cost.
  • They thought they could handle the problem without treatment.
  • They did not know where to receive services.

“The President and Vice President have made clear that mental illness should no longer be treated by our society—or covered by insurance companies—differently from other illnesses,” said HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius. “The Affordable Care Act and new parity protections are expanding mental and substance use disorder benefits for 62 million Americans. This historic expansion will help make treatment more affordable and accessible.”

Related note (click to read whole article):

The British drug maker GlaxoSmithKline will no longer pay doctors to promote its products and will stop tying compensation of sales representatives to the number of prescriptions doctors write, its chief executive said Monday, effectively ending two common industry practices that critics have long assailed as troublesome conflicts of interest.

Caught Nuzzling Mic

Another news item:

On December 12, 2013, Congressman Tim Murphy (R-PA) introduced the “Helping Families in Mental Health Crisis Act of 2013”. While the National Federation of Families for Children’s Mental Health applauds Congressman Murphy’s inclusion of provisions that would reauthorize the Mental Health First Aid Act (S.153/H.R.274), the Garrett Lee Smith Memorial Act (S.116/H.R.2734), the Children’s Recovery from Trauma Act (S.380), the Excellence in Mental Health Act (S.264/H.R.1263), the Justice and Mental Health Collaboration Act of 2013 (MIOTCRA;S. 162/H.R.401) and the Behavioral Health IT Act (S.1517, S.1685/H.R.2057), we decry provisions that would effectively reverse the progress made in mental health treatment and support over the past 30 years.

For decades, organizations such as the National Federation of Families for Children’s Mental Health have been working to add a more balanced approach to mental health services and treatment. The National Federation advocates for the rights of children, youth and young adults who experience mental health challenges. As family members, we feel it is important that our loved ones are able to receive the support they need while remaining at home and in the community. We realize that mental illness does not affect just one person, it is something that the entire family experiences; therefore, it is crucial that initiatives are in place to support the entire family unit.

Rep. Murphy’s bill magnifies the stigma of mental illness by creating an extremely biased link between mental illness and violence. Countless studies have determined that the relationship between mental illness and violence is minimal and that individuals experiencing mental health challenges are 11 times more likely to be the victims of violence than the general public.

The National Federation rejects the expanded use of involuntary outpatient commitment (IOC) and urges Congress to champion practices proven to be effective in facilitating a holistic approach to treatments and supports for children and youth who are experiencing mental health challenges and their families.

Finally, the National Federation strongly opposes legislation that threatens to essentially dismantle key efforts and programs of the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) which functions as the lead public health agency dedicated to mental health and addiction treatment, services, and supports. Transferring authority away from SAMHSA and decimating significant activities within the Department of Health and Human Services are not in the best interest of our most vulnerable citizens who are striving to be participating members of their communities.

The details in this bill reflect the continued, urgent need for a national conversation with individuals who experience mental illness, their families, and their communities to facilitate the creation of systems and networks that support maximal health, safety, and welfare for all community members. We urge Congressional leaders to take this opportunity to create legislation on behalf of their constituents that solidifies a bond among all stakeholders that highlights the dignity, respect, and self-determination of all individuals.

The National Federation of Families for Children’s Mental Health issued this statement in response to the bill.

Cat Bowling

More old Cuckoo’s Nest poetry by JN:

01-30-2009AD

5:20pm

Spoken Cold-Mountain

 [I had given him a copy of Cold Mountain Poems and this was his reply]

Breeze is cold, wet and fresh

Unknown writer I read his writing

Chilled the soul to touch his spirit

Vast as the array of description

Oneness not disconnected was He

Truth in the sporadic words- adrift the snow

Cliffs for bed softened his head

Reading the stone carved wit

Closer to the mountain I get

As I thought those rolling weeds in the wind

Climate is cold to touch, but normal for the universe

Who is wittier?

Mother Nature or the man who wrote?

Void isn’t the mountain with minerals galore

Treasures of the mind I must find

Breaking illusions is for me

This is my trail to this mountain

Entering meditation is salvation

A bird and animal not to sight!

Vast self to roam

Free indeed is the writer in me

Wrote a letter to karma

Issued a food through the threshold

Moonlight glistening snow winds I see

Cold-Mountain: we’re all alone, so it spoke these words

You are home sparkled the stream of life

Years ago I would not have stayed

Fleshy thing in the way

Ghosts are the host that talks wisdom to thee

By JN

Kitten Laundry Hamper

Cat Walks on Hind Legs

Turn Off Your Kitten

Selection!

Go-zirra

Go-zirra Ornament Go-zirra Silver Oval Charm Go-zirra Bottle Wine Chiller
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Hyperdoodle 1

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Standing guy

Standing guy Travel Valet Standing guy Power Bank Standing guy Oval Ornament
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OWdM

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On the Web

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Happy

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PomBear

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Self_portrait

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Sleeping Dog

Sleeping Dog Pet Tag Sleeping Dog Silver Teardrop Necklace Sleeping Dog Silver Oval Necklace
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Ovaltine

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Wear socks

Wear socks Keychains Wear socks Boxer Shorts Wear socks Mousepad
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Flower

Flower Wall Decal Flower Cufflinks Flower Rectangle Magnet
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Figure erasing

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Find a gem

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Eyescape

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Drewdle

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Sunface

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Crazy by Voln

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bIG mONSTER

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Butch Guineas

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Mushy

Mushy Portrait Keychain Mushy Greeting Card Mushy Christmas Stocking
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Don't be afraid

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Love Chomped

Love Chomped Water Bottle Love Chomped Flask Necklace Love Chomped Power Bank
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Mandala

Mandala Silver Oval Charm Mandala Oval Ornament Mandala Christmas Stocking
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Zero gravity

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Looks like fall

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Dragon Lick

Dragon Lick Large Landscape Pet Tag Dragon Lick Silver Heart Necklace Dragon Lick Wall Decal
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Filed under animated gif, animation, bees on cherry trees, cats, Cold Mountain, Jim, kittens, Links: Recovery, Mental health recovery, Mental Hell Treatment, Mystic Poetry, pictures, poetry, Re-blogged, Shameless Commerce

Picture/ Gif Dump, Poem at the end by TVD

orianima

Bird Circle

briefchase

Scared Bear

Cat Box

Cat Done Fall

Dog Catch

Too Much Socks

Caught in the Act

babyDragonDarker1600D

FWHLW

the-most-extreme-thing-you’ll-ever-see

31

bunnyfood1

illeagle

kaleidoscopicmind

headlikeanorange

fat-birds

prickly-

coolerthan

wolfpack

smartyass-graffiti-25

ibmxmUk8LFvyEo

Mfbdq

I_am_the_walrus

sheepish

santa

nic_cage_cat

juliaroberts

penflip

best_deathmetal_bandname

hi_bears

bieberface

catswanttoreportweather

notwaving

ice-cannonball

goosepress

spiderman Tiny-Hippo1 smartyass-graffiti-23

A Shade of Brown

At the end of my rope, for convenience I rely on my phone.

You disconnected your number. I’ve never felt so alone.

Tonight my mood dropped even further. I miss you friend.

The operator told me I made an error, looks like it’s really the end.

Lady we used to talk for hours, about days- gone-by.

Labor Day weekend is gonna be scorching. Your humor is so dry.

You were the only person that believed I’d see success.

Fame and Fortune escaped my grasp. Bad luck has such finesse.

Maybe I could see up together accepting an academy award.

Fall is fast approaching.    Feels like I swallowed a sword.

As the leaves fall from the trees, the gold is a Shade of Brown.

This single bed feels like forever. I can’t drag myself to town.

Anxiety explodes to depression. Is there a life lesson to learn?

We walked together in the meadow. It’s time to let it burn.

Even though the pain is fierce! Maybe it has nothing to do with me?

Without your enthusiasm I’ve been seduced by self-pity.

Don’t ever remember falling off a cliff at such an elevation.

Insecure territory is a tragic playground!!! I’m plagued by procrastination!!!

Rewind this fatal scene in slow-motion. I need to change lanes.

How can you measure misfortune? In the end I’ll take the blame.

The fast lane seems to have invited, confessions stained with tarnish.

You try to break-free, reflection mirages a

death-wish.

Everybody hears bad news.   I’d knock, but there is no door.

Scorn is the opposite of forgiveness. I never thought you’d keep score.

As I go about living life.

Love is a dangerous proposition. Common sense has its purpose. Fools live by intuition.

When a thief robs a bank, a bag of cash is his goal.

I found your consolation at the bottom of this hole.

By T.V.D.

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Filed under animated gif, animation, cats, kittens, pictures, poetry, silly, Uncategorized

Tongue in Cheek

effidol

Shelve your cat

Shelve your cat

Truck your cat

Truck your cat

Cat Mat

Cat Mat

Train your cat

Train your cat

kubrick-cinemagraphs-dr-strangelove-2

kubrick-cinemagraphs-2001-space-odyssey-5

cinemagraph-gifs-fire

cinemagraph-gifs-fall

cinemagraph-gifs-pouring-coke

 

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What is going on?

First, here’s a link from Jacek on “who’s got your back?”.  And, according to same, best blues singer ever.

A day late, Digitizing a Movement from Harvard Gazette.

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The Wild Things of God.

To many modern Christians, words like “meditation,” “mystic,” and “mysticism” bring to mind Eastern religions, not Christianity. Certainly Eastern religions are known for their mysticism; however, mysticism is not only a vital part of the Christian heritage as well, but it is actually the core of Christian spirituality. Mysticism simply means the spirituality of the direct experience of God. It is the adventure of “the wild things of God.”

The direct experience of God is a kind of knowing, which goes beyond intellectual understanding. It is not a matter of “belief.” It is marked by love and joy, but it is not “emotional experience.” In many ways, it is better described by what it is not. To describe what it is, we must use metaphors—the marriage of the soul to Christ, the death of the “old man” and birth of the “new man,” being the “body of Christ.”

Jesus proclaimed “I and the Father are one,” (Jn. 10.30) showing the world what the union of God and man can be. Christian mysticism is about nothing else but this transforming union.

Or:

“Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires; and will turn away their ears from the truth, and will turn aside to myths.” (2 Timothy 4:2-4)

mystic

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I have spent my life. driven by an inner. undeniable need, trying to find my way closer and closer to God: it is not a trivial thing. I was from an early age full of a loneliness and desire that I could not name. I can’t live any other way. The only thing that satisfies me is to keep making the spiritual effort,  Sadhana, without it I may as well not exist.

My life has been full of visions, voices, indescribable encounters with the ultimate and Un-Nameable One. And I still have no dog in the fight between the various wings of the Christian churches from the most liberal Quaker Meeting to the most Fundamentalist Church. I mat sometimes slip but I want mostly to remain open because I know only tht I don’t know. So I can’t, in good concience, argue dogma or anti-dogma. I have my feelings and the things that are closest to beliefs but I can’t say who is right or wrong, if anyone is.

I suspect that none can speak the truth because by it’s very nature, truth is unspeakable.

*

Coffee Hacks:

coffeehacks

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Atomic Pocketwatch!

SnackAdmiral - atomic pocketwatch.jpg - +6 -0 x0 - 128KB

Who coyld resist a laser-heated cesium chamber in your pocket!

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This is not the atomic watch, but rather the "Atomic Punks", an obviously classy act.

This is not the atomic watch, but rather the “Atomic Punks”, an obviously classy act.

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A New Hope (click if it doesn’t animate, huge file, but what do you expect when you get to see essentially the movie in just a few minutes.

[ani] A New Hope Outline

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Enough! from the Procrastitorian

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The world’s best dad.

worlds.coolest.dad

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Cristian Mihai, On Letting Go

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(From Maitripa College) H.H. Sakya Trizin, Lama Etiquette:

Maitripa College News
Dalai Lama Portland 2013

Maitripa wants to know your questions for His Holiness. Some will be selected for the Q&A!
In This Issue
HH Sakya Trizin
Lama Etiquette
Summit Security
In the News
Ask the Dalai Lama
Sold Out!
Classical Tibetan Language
Earn you MA or MDiv Degree

Visit Us

 If you live in, or plan to visit,  the Portland, area and have an interest in Tibetan Buddhism, Buddhist scholarship, or meditation, please attend one of our events, take a class, or contact us for a tour.

Maitripa College Location

Maitripa College

1119 SE Market St.
(cross street SE 11th;
3 blocks S. of Hawthorne)
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email: info@maitripa.org

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This Week at Maitripa
Just a bit over a week until His Holiness the Dalai Lama and His Holiness Sakya Trizin arrive for the Dalai Lama Environmental Summit!
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His Holiness Sakya Trizin to teach at Maitripa
Maitripa College is very honored to announce that His Holiness Sakya Trizin, head of the Sakya school of Tibetan Buddhism, has accepted our invitation to offer a special teaching at Maitripa College on Sunday, May 12, at 6pm. Registration and further details coming soon!
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Lama Etiquette & Protocol
Yangsi Rinpoche invites the community participating in the Dalai Lama Environmental Summit, including ticket holders and volunteers, to attend a presentation by Dean Namdrol Miranda Adams regarding Lama etiquette and protocol. THURSDAY, 6 – 7 pm.
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Public Teaching with Yangsi Rinpoche
Please join public teachings with President Yangsi Rinpoche on Thursday evening at 7:30 pm. Donations gratefully accepted.
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Security for Dalai Lama Environmental Summit
For the safety of His Holiness the Dalai Lama and all event participants, the following items are prohibited from the venues:
Weapons
Work tools
Metal containers
Plastic bottles
Large bags or backpacks
Outside food or drink
No video/audio recording is allowed, and no professional camera lenses or flash photography are permitted
Because there are no storage facilities available and these prohibited items can not pass through the security screening, please leave these and similar items at home.

PLEASE ARRIVE EARLY TO ALLOW TIME TO GO THROUGH SECURITY AND TAKE YOUR SEAT. Doors will open at least two hours prior to the start time of each event/session.

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In the News…
We invite you to peruse the videos, articles, and updates about Maitripa and the upcoming visit by His Holiness.
This week, we are delighted to add Yangsi Rinpoche’s appearance on the Seattle morning talk show “New Day NW” and the Portland Tribune’s“Buddha Rising in Rose City”!
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Ask His Holiness the Dalai Lama!

We would like to hear from members of the Maitripa Community (and beyond!)! Submit your question for His Holiness the Dalai Lama!

A limited number of questions will be posted on the event website, and some will be selected for the Q&A sessions during public events on May 9 or May 11, 2013 in Portland, Oregon.

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His Holiness the Dalai Lama Events are Sold Out
Tickets are currently sold out for all events of the Dalai Lama Environmental Summit. We look forward to seeing you all there!
(And for those who cannot join us in person, please stay tuned for information about webcasting; we are finalizing these details now.)
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Classical Tibetan Language Summer Courses
Summer Tibetan language study options from beginner to advanced translation skills. Applications currently being accepted, limited spaces remain so apply now to reserve your space. Learn More & Apply Here
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Where Could a Maitripa Degree Take You?
Learn more about degree entry for Fall 2013 to earn your Masters in Buddhist Studies (MA)  or Master of Divinity (MDiv) degree.
Applications currently being accepted!Questions: studentservices@maitripa.org

Admissions Deadline for Fall Entry: June 8, 2013

Click here to learn more online.

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Filed under animated gif, animation, buddhism, Christ, pictures, Re-blogged, silly, Spirituality

Just so you know

I kept it to myself this year. I had a sleepless night.

It snuck up on me- April 5th- I had actually managed to convince myself that it wasn’t even April, really. I saw no date on the calendar. I didn’t realize until about 5 pm on April 4th. Then it was like a bag of bricks. Or an ocean of tears.

Then, like smoke, it was over, gone. No harm no foul. It was something different than my usual coping/ denial. I really want her to move on. I’m concerned for her. She lives in my heart, no matter, but I want her to face ahead. I want this for me too.

“May all be free of suffering and the causes of suffering.”

Here she is laughing with her brothers. They are both grown men.

Here she is laughing with her brothers. They are both grown men.

Yesterday was Andrew’s birthday. I want to give him a Goopymart shirt. but I need to wait until I get my first disability check. I called, he was at work. I texted. Later he texted back, we had a conversation. I miss him- he is so far. Just down in the Bay Area, so I guess not so far. He has a Berkeley PO box. Not certain where he and Chris live right now.

Matt is close by. Just in Beaverton. I went to his house last Sunday night to watch Game of Thrones He made a casserole. It was delicious. He made enough that he can have it for several days. I bet it’s gone now though.

This is one of my favorite pictures. Holding a butterfly in our front yard.

This is one of my favorite pictures. Holding a butterfly in our front yard.

This is in the front yard of where the kids grew up. The house we had from when Matt was born until both he and Andrew were men. It is unfortunate that we lost this house- I lost this house- because after all my breakdowns, after all my years of grief beyond speaking, after all my lost jobs and the ruins of my career we went into foreclosure.

Moved into that rental on Flavel that burned down and took so much of our life with it. No, correct that- it didn’t take any life; it only took stuff. Everyone, including the pets, was safe.

This next is cropped from the huge picture taken at Falcon Crest in the summer of 1989. You can find the original big version around here somewhere.

Even this cropped version is bigger than this- click for full size.

Even this cropped version is bigger than this- click for full size.

I wrote a song. Well, I wrote lots of songs. This one was called “Erin’s Ghost”. It was written when I still had so much anger with God I almost couldn’t pray without spitting. I wonder how it works as a poem… Since I don’t have the right equipment to record it now and I’ve lost the earlier recordings. It’s actually a prayer. If you read between the lines you might hear the spitting. No more spitting for me. God has whispered into my heart, and here, near the end of my life, has opened me to love. Maybe I’ll call it-

Ashes of Your Love

All the labor of my days

All the sweetness of my nights

All the times that I have cursed or have ignored You

The times I’ve touched You

The greatest joy I have ever known

I will undertake to lay these down before You

Because life burns away

As a fire is consumed

Don’t look for me below or up above

Only one thing will remain

Of what is gone without a trace

There is nothing but the ashes of Your love

You brought to me a baby girl

She was tired, she was sore

And You gave me dreams that I could love or even heal her

But for the time that she was mine

We shared too many bitter tears

Lord there were even days I could not bear to feel her

She had more pain to bear than joy

More to teach than she could learn

God she was deeper than her vision could yet show her

Still as my heart counts the years

She is never growing old

I’m left to reflect upon the grace it was to know her

Well, they say, “God cuts the thread”

So it was in her 14th year

That You allowed that she should end

Her own becoming

I could not believe it true

When I saw her lying dead

Though I held until

The chill of her was numbing

And still life burns away

As a fire is consumed

Do not look for me below or up above

For only one thing will remain

Of what is gone without a trace

Lord there’s nothing but the ashes of Your love

It’s hard to believe that she was right

And everything has turned out wrong

There was so much more to life she’d never tasted

I just pray that it’s true

As Your saints have often said

That there is no love in this world that’s ever wasted

But life burns away

Just as a fire is consumed

You will not find me down below or up above

Only one thing will remain

Of that which is gone without a trace

There’s nothing but the ashes of Your love

1992

1992

I love you, my first baby, my only daughter, my life’s greatest teacher, the one I once thought would never abandon me. You are with the loving Friend, move to even greater light, find your heart’s desire. And in all the worlds, the infinite worlds beyond counting, in which you still live, show your fire. Shine so brightly no one can keep from seeing your wild, beautiful fire.

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Filed under Family pictures, personal story, pictures, poetry

Some pictures, a story, some good other things to read

Pictures from my kids phone-photo blog (always click for full size- I do not skimp on size):

stop

 

criminal

sidewalk_arthelp

 

feets

 

Pictures from the site that shall not be named:

[gt] Daisy

 

THE INTERNET

These are animated- if they don’t work automatically, click them to nudge them along:

Q056

fuck_it

 

[ani] nice catch

How I spent last weekend or….

The waiting room at Urgent Care
I was actually on my way to Best Buy to ask why the headset didn’t work, got there, noticed that my left foot was numb.
I knew my ankle was sprained, at least, and nobody seemed to think it to be a big deal. Especially given the bigger deal of the rip-roaring pain throughout my left leg that was caused by the ruptured disk that was squishing the nerve- But the ankle did look kind of dramatic. Although swelling had gone down over the past week (it was a week ago Saturday that I slipped on it), the bruising was spectacular. I personally have never seen anything like it. It has been blue-black from my ankle to the bottoms of my feet including my toes. So, given that the bruising was still awesome and the numbness was new, I thought it would be prudent to go to Urgent Care at Kaiser (in the Sunnyside complex).
The Urgent Care nurse who checked me in asked to see it, I showed it to her (sounds like a porn intro). She immediately had me go get X-rays and blood-work and I was shuffled through those places and put in the Urgent Care waiting room.
It would seem that the short phrases “waiting room” and “Urgent Care” were paired together for maximum contrast in the use and mis-use of the English language. You could probably do a whole – never mind, I digress…
I noticed that the group around me stayed pretty consistent. New people arrived here and there. A couple times someone’s name was called and they were taken back to what I decided was the “Exam Area” (I made up that phrase- I am easily entertained). I never saw anyone come back out of this Exam Area. After being in the waiting area for about 45 minutes a nice young lady came out of the hidden areas where people were sometimes taken (the ones who were never seen again, as far as I know) and she announced that there was currently about a 2 hour wait for getting in to see a doctor at “Urgent Care”.
She apologized, smiled and went back behind the closed doors.
I began to speculate about the true nature of this hidden dimension I had so innocently and glibly labeled as the Exam Area- maybe it was actually a place where the “disappeared” were being dissected and barbecued! (Had I eaten anything yet today? Were my thoughts being perverted by hunger?) I remember thinking there was some grease on the scrub-top worn by the announcer lady.
I closed my eyes to try and explore the smells around me- was there a faint odor of BBQ?
I was shaken from this macabre vision by something that at first seemed almost as unsettling. Sitting across from me and seeming to notice me only as I noticed him was Jess from the hospital- our volunteer coordinator. I hadn’t seen him arrive, it was as though he had materialized from thin air. He said that he had a cactus thorn embedded in his finger. There was no mark that I could see but he explained that it was buried deeply in the flesh of the finger, had no egress from it’s lodging and was causing him pain and distress. I have no reason to disbelieve him except that his story was so outlandish. What is he doing handling cacti?
Time passed. I kept myself entertained with a variety of “Twilight Zone”esque stories that could take place in the Urgent Care waiting room.
I eventually got to see the doctor. He very quickly ascertained that I would need to go back to X-ray because when I had come in they had not taken pictures of my ankle. They did have good shots of my toes but he was uninterested in those.
Hours later I was sent away with a big apparatus they referred to as a “boot”. The numbness was caused by the inflammation and blood from a slightly torn ligament and something else that he tried to draw a picture of. The nurse told him his drawing was poor and unrecognizable.
the end

Other more better stuff:

Death by Analysis (chapter 1)

‘Freedom is an Adventure Without End’ – Don Juan

 

“I am Chinese!”

Sound:

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Filed under animated gif, animation, comedy relief, mp3, Mystic Poetry, Nature, personal story, pictures, Re-blogged, sound bite

How are things

I have a wing injury which has been difficult but little else in terms of trouble. I’ll show a picture later.

Work is alright. Its hard but not in a way that hurts my spirit. I’m not keeping up with many of my wellness goals from when I was off work. But I’m doing some of it and  making it okay.

Some things I just don’t want to talk about yet.

My head and heart are mostly in balance.  There have been hard things, as always, but I am mostly untroubled. My energy level is not what I would like but right now that’s because of the tendinitis in my shoulder. Today I got a cortisone shot.

We had such a wet June that frogs and their children are very happy. Even into July we still have lots of water in marginal habitat areas like ditches and seasonal marshlands. So, that’s good.

Someone, a patient, at work dies a few weeks ago and that was tough and a bit frustrating.

Here are some pictures I’ve found or taken:

parents divorce answered

Comic-con pamphlet

Transamerica spin

better add music- 

follow the money- I made this when GW was nominated, still current

That’s Annie, sleeping in the pot by the window.

01 Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young – Carry On

Boobie

look ma, no thumbs

all of the earth’s fresh water

1957-2012

Rumi- from here:

You are in love with me, I shall make you perplexed.
Do not build much, for I intend to have you in ruins. If you build two hundred houses in a manner that the bees do; I shall make you as homeless as a fly. If you are the mount Qaf in stability. I shall make you whirl like a millstone.

Now you’ve departed and gone to the Unseen-
On what strange ways you’ve gone from our world!
You shook your feathers and you broke the cage;
You flew away, far, to the soul’s own world.
You were a hawk, encaged by Mrs. World.
You heard the drum and flew to Where-no-place.
You were a nightingale among the owls-
The garden’s scent came; you went to the rose.
You suffered headache from these bitter dregs-
At last you went to the eternal tavern…
The rose flees from the autumn-daring rose
That you went on in the autumnal wind!
You fell like rain on the terrestrial roof,
Run here and there, escaping through the spout.
Be silent-there is no more pain of speaking:
You are protected by a loving friend!

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Filed under animated gif, cats, Music, pictures, poetry, Rumi, Sufi Poems, Uncategorized